Why is it that you miss your lost loved ones more at the holidays. Is it because of the years of tradition seeing them. Is it because we want to share the joy with them? Is it because we connect it to a time of peace, love and security- in which they represented to you? I have been going through this seperation anxiety since I lost my mother a few years ago- at Christmas time. Making this the hardest holiday to get through without her. I sit here writting this with tears in my eyes. No amount of time will stop or take away the pain I feel inside at the fact that I can not see her, hear her voice or feel her touch. Sometimes I dont even want to go on. I dont know what my next step should be because I fell paralysed in pain. My heart is broke at these times. As the tears roll down my face now, I think of her being here with me now saying, “stop being a cry baby”-“everything will be ok”! Thats what she always told me. That everything will be ok and we’ll all wake up tomorrow to another day. But she was wrong because she is not waking up another day and some days, I dont want to either. I miss her guidance, support and love. I miss everything about her. I miss her…..I miss her!
Well Mom, Im doing good. We are all doing good! You got out lucky cause this pandemic is a bitch! Even though we are still here on earth together, we are kept apart. Im sorry you are not here to enjoy this isolation we are all calling the new normal! If you were here, Id be sad because I couldnt come see you and I know you and Dad would never be able to set up zoom! I thought of you when I was shopping for gifts for the grandkids! Now I know why they all always got the same thing!! I wanted you to know how much I love and miss you so I did this! I hope you are having a great time up there with Dad, Grandma, Grandpa and all your other family gone before you and since you. Tell Aunt Rosie how much I love and miss her too! Remember when she told you that she hopes her kids take care of her like yours did you? Well, they did!! Chelle even went over and rubber her feet down for her! She was at peace and surrounded by family when she left. You probably already know! Well, Im going to go wipe my tears, and stop being a cry baby! I love you soo much. Tell Dad I love him too, and everyone a Merry Christmas!!